Why is it always me?


I try doing everything he wants me to do, To keep up a pristine image. To have a place to stay. I have to get a job, I'm working on it. I'm 'addicted' to the internet and my cell phone, Well sorry if It's the only real social interaction I get. Me and Him have nothing in common, so why should I stick around and deal with him?

I don't have to and I have no idea why I do, I cry literally most of the time and I have no proper outlet anymore. I need to do things, He doesn't want to do them. I need to get my clothes from my step-dad's He's no help. I cry over my family, he says fuck them. What for? Because they are concerned for me? No one knows this, But fuck I started cutting once again. Swallow little 'scratches' at first so I can blame it on the cat, but there are places like my legs that he never sees that are a war zone. Am I happy I started again?
No, I'm not but it's not like I have anyone to talk to. I have no one who can just sit there and not lie to me - My life is shit, I need to get out off my ass and I need to DO something. No one tells me that, I get nothing...I feel nothing and it's all because of him.

I knew it was too good to last, too 'perfect' to leave me happier in the end. I can't do anything, I've lost my family and friends for this fucker. I'm stuck...I'm hopelessly stuck.


Labels: Posted by Jilette

Friday, March 4, 2011 at 8:23 PM

2 Comments to "Why is it always me?"

Posted by Hito-chan ( March 5, 2011 at 2:25 PM )

As I made a promise with couple of my friends, to try to avoid cutting myself. [Massive anger problems.] Write. It helps. Or use rubber band around your arm, and slap it against the wrist, since it is still the pain, that releases entromorfs, and makes us feel better. Alive...

I am here for you, if you need to speak.

Mari. <3

Posted by Jilette ( March 5, 2011 at 2:28 PM )

Yeah, all methods mentioned really doesn't help me, Not trying to make excuses it just. The Rubber band never worked for me, nor was the ice and holding it. Writing does help but it really does just make me more pissed off.

-_- I'm a weird helpless cause. But personally, and I know many disagree, I don't find cutting to be as bad as one thinks. I'm not killing myself. I'm not wanting to die, I just bleed a little or alot depending then I'm fine. Why do people smoke, drink, get tattoos and more. It's just something people who have no guts can do and must complain.

Yes, I know cutting can lead to more serious issues if not kept under wraps, I just..don't see the big deal :/

Post a Comment

Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)